I have had a million imaginary situations in my head. I've had this conversation with you a thousand times in my mind. You were gone before I had the chance to really experience having you as a father-in-law, gone before my daughter was old enough to really experience having you as a grandfather. You were supposed to outlive us all. I feel cheated.
I don't even know why I am sitting here crying my eyes out right now. I just sat down at the table, looked at your picture on the wall, and started to type away. Things were barely starting to come back together in our lives. You were going to hang out with your son that weekend. We were supposed to come over for dinner soon. I felt like things were finally starting to look up.. that we would finally get back those fun family nights that we used to have. That never happened.
I didn't know how you felt about me before you left. I didn't know if you hated me for the things that people told you about me. I didn't know if you were proud of me for standing by your son's side through all of the ups and downs. I just knew that I would never get the chance to say goodbye or let you know how much I appreciated you.. I would never get to say I love you again.
You were the greatest father-in-law for the few years that I had the chance to call you mine. You always made me feel loved, like I was your own daughter. You always made me feel beautiful, even at nine months pregnant and struggling to get out of a chair. You always made sure I felt special, something that I am not sure if I ever thanked you enough for. I enjoyed all of the time that we spent together, so it makes it harder to face the reality that our time has run out.
People can say what they want, but I know exactly what kind of man you were (because I am living with the exact same man). You could light up a room the second you walked in. When you weren't around, it wasn't because you didn't care. It was because you cared too much. You were the one of the sweetest men I have ever met, even if you were a bit perverted at times ;) You loved your family more than anything in the world and just wanted them to be happy and healthy.
I wanted to thank you for so much and now I will never get the chance. Thank you for raising the amazing man that I get to call my husband. I know you will always be here through him, sometimes the resemblance is unreal! Thank you for being the best father-in-law and grandfather. I will make sure that Marin always remembers how much her "Poppa Daddy" loved her. Thank you for being you and thank you for loving me.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. We were supposed to have so much more time. Life doesn't work that way. Because of you, I have decided to start living. You have helped me to realize how little the majority of life's problems truly are. You were dealt one bad hand after another, yet you never let it phase you. So as one last thank you, I want to thank you for changing my life.
I can never repay you. I will never forget you. I love you.
You will be missed. Until we see you again.